Carol+Lane

November 21, 2006 The ‘reflexive tale’ told by Lubna Chaudhry was very engaging in that it related not only the cultural conflict in which Chaudhry was grappling involving marginality, hybridity, resistance, and empowerment for herself as well as the young Muslim students studying in America, but also the personal struggle involving the dynamics of her relationship with her mother and the desire to escape her mother’s “prison”. The conflict she feels regarding her mother’s life emerges from the male/female categorization of her Pakistanian upbringing resulting in the denial of the female voice along with the realization of her society’s commitment to oppressive gender-based power relations. Her story speaks to the ongoing angst of change that occurs within sentient individuals and the tension that accompanies vacillating subjectivities. Such vacillation is due to the internal contradictions that emerge from the values, beliefs, ideas and cultural conditions of one’s context.

Chaudhry’s discussion of ‘hybridization’ was intriguing in its explanation of the complexity engendered by the blend of two diverse cultures and meaning systems. The rupturing of her ethnic identity had launched her into that “third space” (p. 452) where ‘other positions are allowed to emerge’. Poststructural and postcolonial thought have shaped her understanding of the fluid nature of the self and the multiple identities demanded by the various contexts in which she operates. It seems to me that the contradictions engulfing her are almost tangible. Working from a feminist theoretical perspective, she participates in an open, friendly interactive style of relating to her participants. Representing her data through an autoethnographic narrative, she shares the personal conflict she is experiencing which has emerged, to a large degree, from the history of her “own consciousness”.

Chaudhry’s narrative, in my opinion, can be surmised by the words she quoted from Rushdie (1994): “I, too, have ropes around my neck, I have them to this day, pulling me this way and that. East and West, the nooses tightening, commanding, choose, choose” (p.211). And yet, as the Indian feminist, Indu Krishnan, explained in words relevant to both narratives: “she has not chosen, nor can she ever choose, one culture over the other” (Visweswaran, p. 310). Spivak (1990) adds to our understanding of the dilemma when he writes, “Growing up in two different cultures, or coming from one to another, is like moving two directions at once; or being in two places at once” (p. 83). The problem, as Spivak asserts, is that biculturality can be defined as not being ‘home’ in either place.

Visweswaran’s narrative focuses on the human conflict that emerges from living within blended cultures and is represented by the documentary revealing the inherent difficulties Vasu experiences juggling her post-colonial subjectivities with her second generation Indian status. While centering her words around the significance of the hyphen, Visweswaran understands that the “hyphen enacts a violent shuttling between two or more worlds” (p.304); that it represents the “realm in-between” (p.304), a realm that offers Vasu the choice of suicide in order to end the torture of the unrelenting questions: “Are you Indian? Are you American?”

Krishnana’s documentary demonstrates the “fastasy of assimilation” (p.310), and the fear young Indians have of not being ‘fully American’.

I think both narratives demonstrate the feminist commitment and desire to know the world differently than it is now. Both authors are struggling with the need to free themselves and others from society’s cultural bonds that limit human possibilities and lock females into rigid systems of inequality where potential, worth and dignity are never realized and opportunity to express and develop one’s intellect and talent are never achieved. As Crotty (2004) so aptly explained, feminist researchers write from an abiding sense of oppression; they strive for equity and liberation which “marks their research indelibly” (p.182). It seems to me that both of these writers are conveying through their narratives the voices of those who are struggling with the consequences of unjust cultural traditions and the personal conflict of trying to balance it all.

Nov. 7, 2006 - Politics of evidence: The lived experiences of sentient beings speaks clearly to the subject of evidence. What better scientific data than the words of those who have lived and experienced some human phenomenon? The question emerges as to how we establish that our findings and conclusions are trustworthy and credible. As Guba and Lincoln (1985) suggested, we must operationalize such terms as credibility, transferability, dependability and confirmability by employing techniques such as prolonged engagement in the field and triangulation of data. Eisner (1991) suggested that it is “the confluence of evidence that breeds credibility” (p. 110). In other words, it is the confluence of sources that provides the evidence and enables the researcher to formulate a cogent interpretation and conclusion.

Regarding the question of evidence, it appears that new ideas must be considered. Lather (1991) calls for “new techniques and concepts for obtaining and defining trustworthy data which avoids the pitfalls of orthodox notions of validity” (p. 66). She speaks for a more open narrative with holes and questions and suggests that such a narrative provides credible evidence of the human condition.

It seems to me that engendering understanding of a phenomenon is a worthwhile goal of human research. Wolcott (1990) suggested that until someone coined a term that better encapsulated the goal of qualitatitve research, he would stick with the term ‘understanding’. I suggest that an understanding of some aspect of the human condition emerges from the voices of those experiencing the condition, and it is those voices that provide us with the kind of evidence that is credible and trustworthy and upon which our conclusions and interpretations can be verified.

Nov. 3, 2006

We had a very significant class Wed. night, actually, quite meaningful from a phenom's perspective. I guess that's the effect poetry has on us qualitative people. I think we touched the 'essence' of learning, which doesn't happen often. So...I think we're lucky to be in a class where this happens and probably is the goal of our instructor, which is nice. Anyway...I'm glad Kakali shared her poetry with us, and we all participated in the dynamics of that moment. I don't really understand how anyone can question the 'evidence' that emerges from the stories of human experience.

Oct. 11th Taxonomy Analysis of Alex's Writing:

I. Writing is...

A. thinking about a thing and what it means

1. a cloud 2. your life 3. a pet 4. a random phrase in your head 5. great moment in a song

B. All sorts of things

1.events in your life 2.Other people's lives 3.the reasons for silence 4. the news

II. A simple story can make a novel

A. Quitting Kate, the novel

1. from a story a friend told him 2. the story was five minutes long 3. about his friends breaking into a golf course a. hanging out b.drinking and doing drugs c. partying d.building a bonfire e. burning stuff

B. His friend, Roy, save the girl

1. girl was stoned on acid 2. hid from the police behind a tree 3. they escaped from the police

III. Writing is a result of lived experiences

A. Experiences of pain B. Experiences of happiness

IV.The Role of Silence in Writing

A. Talk can break silence

1. laying in the grass, staring at the stars 2. what are stars? 3. What is the universe?

B. Memories can break silence

1. I had a pet when I was a kid 2. I wouldn't take care of him 3. My parents made me take him to the wild a. I rode out to a field b. I opened his cage c. he just hopped out and stared at me d. I cried all the way home

C. Silence can be good or bad

1. we used to have good times 2. silence wrapped around us like a blanket 3. silence can be awkward and tense 4. silence makes us not want to talk 5. silence can be cold, drifting like an ice burg 6. silence represents so much left unsaid below the surface

V. Writing is...

A. About experiences B. About feelings C. About anything you want

VI. Anyone can be a Writer

Domain Analysis of Alex’s work:
 * Carol Lane - Oct. 1st**

Domain Analysis of Alex’s work:


 * Included Terms - Semantic relationship - Category**

I. __Strict Inclusion__ – X (is a kind of) Y.

1. Thinking about a thing and what it means - is a kind of - thing to write about 2. A cloud- is a kind of 3. your life - is a kind of 4. random phrase in your head - is a kind of 5. great moment in a song - is a kind of 6. a pet - is a kind of 7. silence- is a kind of

II. __Function__ – X (is used for) Y

1. A part of your life- is used for- writing 2. Another person’s life - is used for 3. a story on the news- is used for

4.asking a question- is used for- breaking silence

III. __Location for Action__ – X (is a place for doing) Y

1. a golf course- is a place for doing- parties 2. a party - is a place for doing- drugs and alcohol 3. laying in the grass - is a place for- thinking

IV. __Cause and Effect__ – X (is a result of ) Y

1. being arrested -is a result of- drugs and alcohol 2. being stoned on acid- is a result of

3. writing - is a result of- lived experiences 4. not being able to live in the wild- is a result of

5. crying- is a result of- losing something loved

V. __Rationale__: X (is a reason for doing) Y

1. Breaking into a golf course - is a reason for- hiding from police 2. Being stoned on acid - is a reason for

3. Tenseness and awkwardness- is a reason for- silence 4. warm, safe feelings- is a reason

VI. __Means to an End__ – X (is a way to do) Y

1. Being lost in thought- is a way to do- writing 2. Stories a friend tells you- is a way to do

VII. Attribution – X (is an attribute (characteristic) of) Y

1. Taking care of your pet- is a characteristic of- caring 2. Thinking about how others feel - is a characteristic of 3. hiding someone from the police- is a characteristic of

4 silence- is a characteristic of - strained relationships 5. tense and awkward times- is a characteristic of

Oct. 4th Wiki Reflection:

In my opinion, Alex is a natural writer in that his writing reflects his authentic, unassuming self. He writes about the world as he sees it and relationships as he understands them and experiences them. He seems casual, unaffected, straightforward in his approach to life. For example, he says writing is thinking about things, all kinds of things, and what they mean to the person writing. Writing is a reflection of Alex’s views, his understandings about life and people. He talks about real things that people experience like drugs, human frailty, thoughtful perplexity emerging from the immensity of the cosmos to questions of human responsibility in the death of a small, helpless animal, and the enigma of silence that cannot be explained. But Alex doesn’t have a need to explain, just to present the complexity of human existence, simply and clearly, as he understands it through the lives and words of his characters.

9-22-‘06 Last Wednesday night, my Qualitative Research class went to the Oak Court Mall to do some descriptive observations. We wanted to observe different aspects of interaction between people working or shopping at the mall. We arrived about 7:00, agreed to meet back together at about 7:20, then split up to do some observing. My research question was “How do people staffed at mall kiosks kill time between customers?” My first stop was a Spring Mobile Phone kiosk. There were two people working in this kiosk. The girl was standing with her hands in her pockets, shifting from one leg to another, just looking around, watching people. I noticed immediately that there were no chairs to sit on. At one point, the guy who was working there seemed to be showing the girl some things about the Sprint phones, like training her somewhat, but I only observed this interaction once. A lady friend came up. The guy began talking to her. At first I thought she was a customer, but soon realized she was a friend because they were laughing rather heartily and joking around. The friend was not buying anything or even looking at any Sprint materials, just chatting. The guy also had his hands in his pockets a lot, he rubbed his neck, both the girl and boy working in the kiosk talked freely with one another and joked around; at one point, they clasped hands and swung each other around kind of playfully… the girl fiddled with a phone charger for awhile, they play fought, piddled around, kept looking at their watches checking the time. The two people working in the kiosk seemed really bored. I was somewhat bothered that there were no chairs for them to sit down, apparently they have to stand up the whole time they are working. Since the mall was not crowded, there were no customers the whole time I was observing them. The two employees were trying to make the time pass as pleasantly as possible by joking around and talking to their friend, play fighting. They guy seemed tired because he kept rubbing his neck like he was tense and frustrated at the boredom of the place. To me it seemed a bit inhumane that they would have to stand up the whole time they worked in the kiosk. The main impression I had was that both employees were bored and tired of standing in the kiosk waiting for business. I decided to visit another kiosk to compare the two places. This time there was only one female working in a watches and perfume booth. The Kiosk was right by the escalators in front of a nail place. This booth caught my eye because it looked like the female employee was talking to a customer when I came up. I stood in back of her observing the interaction. I discovered that it was not a customer, but a friend of someone in the nail place. But she laughed and kidded around with him for awhile. Then she just walked around the kiosk, sort of pacing. After awhile, she stopped pacing and just stood in one place. She leaned on the booth for awhile. Again, there were no customers. She stood, kept looking around at the stores around her, then sat down, staring, gazing, not moving from her space. She leaned her head down on the counter, resting her head on her arms. She fiddled with some cards for awhile, and then placed her head down again on her arms. During this whole observation, I was standing at her back. I thought she looked young from my position, like 18-20 years of age. It wasn’t till I was leaving the mall that I walked in front of her and could see her face better. She wasn’t as young as I had imagined. She looked like she was possibly in her mid-thirties. When I left the mall, she was still sitting in the same place, doing nothing, just fiddling, wasting time until her shift was up. Again the overwhelming impression I got from observing the employee in this kiosk was one of boredom. It was more obvious here than in the first kiosk I observed, because this lady was all alone working. There were no customers, no one to talk to at all. I think the female employee was laughing and talking with the gentleman from the nail place when I first came up, because she wanted to interact with just anyone. It occurred to me that this lady was experiencing some major boredom working at this place. She had nothing to do, no computer to work on, no books to read, nothing, so she was more or less trapped until her shift was over. I wondered if this was the policy of the owner that she bring nothing to do, or was this just her choice. Anyway, I was a bit surprised when I discovered that it was an older person working at this job and not a young person, I guess because she seemed so estranged from what she was doing.
 * Sept. 27th - Oak Court Mall Reflections**
 * Description:**
 * Reaction**:
 * Description:**
 * Reaction:**

There were two other kiosks I observed for just a short time while I was walking back to meet my class; the employees in both of these kiosks had computers to work on. One, I think, was working on some paper or something, like a report or something for a class. He was young and very engaged in his computer work. The other older man was working on a spread sheet, either for himself personally or for the kiosk where he was employed. Anyway, I wouldn’t describe either gentleman as bored; they were enjoying whatever they were doing on their computers, instead of sitting, doing nothing, waiting for time to pass. At one of these kiosks, the gentleman was rather animated when he was explaining to a mall employee that had walked up what he was doing on his spreadsheet. It seemed that our first observation experience in the mall helped my classmates and I begin to understand the process of observation. Each of us focused on a different aspect of mall activity. The activity seemed to sharpen our ability to observe the interaction of people and their behavior. It also helped us to see the significance of describing what we see in minute detail. I saw how different individuals approach working in a kiosk. Some are bored, some find meaningful activity to consume their time. It was obviously a very slow night at the mall. However, two of the employees accomplished something important to them. I ascertained this importance by the complete immersion by the student in his computer work and the animation and excitement portrayed by the other gentleman working on the spread sheet.
 * Summary:**

At about 7:20 or so, my class met back together in the food court to discuss our observations. While sitting in the food court discussing our findings, we were questioned by a mall security officer about our intent; apparently some people had noticed and reported our activity. We eventually concluded our first observation experience, and, among other things, we learned to always order food when we meet to talk about our observation experiences in the Oak Court Mall.

Phenomenological research has interested me for quite some time, not only because of its relation to the existential viewpoint which has intrigued me since my undergraduate college days, but also because of its intent to understand the meanings of human experience. The question being, how do people interpret meaning or discover meaning throughout the various phases of their development. Taking words directly from Creswell, “a phenomenological study describes the meaning of the lived experiences.” It seems to me that the study of how humans find meaning in their lives, (in particular for my study around retirement age), is a worthwhile investigation and one that could benefit our on-going understanding of human development.
 * Video Reflections 9-20-06**

However, as I was listening to the video clips and thinking about a good interview approach for my research, I found myself liking different aspects of each interview style. It seemed that a sort of integrative effort would be the most comfortable for me. For example, while watching Kakali attempt to get at the essence of the writing experience for Alex, I began to realize that when a straight phenomenological approach is used, the possibility exists for the interview to meander in divergent directions away from the main question of the study which may result in a lot of unusable data.

I liked the in-depth interview because the interviewer could focus on several questions in an attempt to engender relevant data for the particular study, re-asking a question in several different ways, probing the topic with different questions. It seemed to me that a combination of both the phenomenological and in-depth style of interviewing could get at the essence of the meaning of an experience and produce the kind of data that I would be interested in knowing.

After listening to the feminist interview clip, however, I realized that I may be most comfortable with the easy, conversationalist style of this approach. Listening to the interview, it was almost like getting double data. I felt I was listening to two voices explain how writing was for them. Power sharing to me means the interviewer and the interviewee, through their dialogue, are engendering data together about a shared experience. The participants are “co-creating” the dialogue, gathering information together.

Therefore, I think the feminist style of interviewing is a dynamic way to gather information; however, my interest is still an attempt to understand the meaning or essence of some experience. So in an attempt to explicate the essential meanings of my particpants’ experience and grasp the diversity of their meanings, I may need to integrate aspects from all of these three approaches in order to arrive at the understanding I’m seeking in my research.


 * September 13, 2006**

I had trouble retrieving the entire in-depth video presentation because of my dial-up connection, so I found it necessary to make a quick purchase of DSL to assist me in these technology endeavors! However, I was able to listen to about 10 minutes of the interview, and I found it very beneficial to my understanding of the interviewing process. I liked the discussion KB had with Alex about 'developing voice' and his explanation of voice being a writer's style; he suggested that his style was almost casual and conversational, which seemed to go along with his easy nature and personality. In asking descriptive questions, KB attempted to get Alex to describe the process, what it was like when he was really inspired to write; it's like she was really trying to discover the depth of his writing experience, to get to the core of it. I also liked the way she asked many times, "walk me through what it was like"...exemplifying an effort to understand his writing process. She employed structural questions by asking about the devices he used in writing, "Can you list some of the devices you use"...

The type of knowledge generated from this interview was an understanding of what the writing experience was like for Alex, from his perspective. She continued to probe to get to a deeper understanding of this experience, which is what I think interviewing is about.

The video clip was beneficial to me because it provided an excellent example of interviewing which enhanced my understanding of this process.